Coping with the loss of my beloved dog Lemmy with the help of yoga, friends and family

Lemmy was the greatest dog I have ever known.  Let me start from the beginning.  My husband and I rescued Lemmy from East Valley Animal Shelter in Van Nuys, CA.  He was a gigantic two year old Shepherd who had been dropped off by his previous owners because they claimed they were never home to give him attention.  Here is the thing, we had gone to the pound to rescue a different dog, a young husky.  When we got there, another family (with a little boy) also wanted the husky.  I didn't want to go through the bidding process and brake the little boys heart so we let the husky go.  In the cage next to the Husky was this beautiful German Shepherd.  It was a spontaneous decision to take Lemmy, and one of the best decisions I have ever made.  We had no idea what he was going to be like, whether he would like our two cats, whether he would destroy the house, be aggressive, etc, but I had a gut feeling he was special.  We brought him home that rainy February afternoon and fell in love with him immediately.  He was a bit clumsy and definitely had separation anxiety in the beginning.  He also had a crooked front foot which was most likely the result of a broken leg that hadn't healed right.  It didn't slow him down one bit though.  He was strong, energetic, loving and so loyal.  All he wanted in life was to be near my husband and I.

Lemmy was with us for about a year and eight months before he passed.  He showed no real signs of anything wrong until the day before his death.  He quickly became very lethargic, vomiting, not eating.  We called the vet that evening and they suggested we hold off until the morning, assuming it was something he ate that didn't agree with him.  When the next morning came and he wasn't feeling any better we took him to our local vet.  They ran some tests and discovered that his kidneys were failing.  I was unaware at the time how critical this was.  I was certain that he would be treated and get better.  Within those last twenty four hours the vet tried everything they could but he was getting worse.  Around 1:00 AM Saturday, August 27th., we decided that it was his time and permitted the vet to humanely euthanize him.  This was probably the hardest decision of my life.

I spent the entire weekend re-living what had just happened, wondering if there was anything I could have done different that would have saved his life.  The test results showed that Lemmy always had bad kidney's and that this outcome was inevitable.  I cried so much that my body ached everywhere.  Lemmy was my sweet loving dog.  I looked forward to seeing him after work every day and taking him on long walks and hikes on the weekends.  One day he was playing ball with me and the next day he was gone.  I kept thinking how unfair life was.  In my eyes, it wasn't his time.  We had plans for the future with him, I wasn't ready to let him go.  Even as I type this now, my eyes are watering and my throat is tightening up.  I felt he was taken from me too soon.

The amount of love I received from friends and family during the weekend and following week was incredible.  Almost everyone I spoke to had suffered through the loss of a pet and were able to share so many wise words.  But the most amazing thing was that everyone let me grieve.  Everyone understood that I had to go through it (and still have to) in my own time and my own way.  That weekend I spent with my dear aunt riding horses and my mom who brought over her puppy maltipoo.  The following week all my friends and colleagues embraced me, cried with me, listened to me, and helped me.  My wonderful husband held me as I cried on his shoulder.  He was strong for me even though he was suffering too.  Lemmy was his boy, his buddy, they had a very special bond.  I had so much support and love.  I am truly lucky and blessed.

The following Monday I decided to go to a yoga class taught by one of my very favorite teachers Jeanne Heileman.  Just to see people around me who didn't know about what had happened helped me process the fact that life goes on.  Going through those asanas were just as much torture as they were healing.  I spent a lot of my first yoga class weeping in Balasana (child's pose), something I never ever do.  I knew I needed to be kind to myself.  I noticed my fellow yogi's breathing so peacefully, smiling.  I couldn't help but wonder, will I ever smile again?  Will I ever laugh again?  To me, it felt like Lemmy's passing literally broke my heart.  Then Jeanne approached me.  She recommended a book called "The Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying" which I am enjoying very much and recommend to anyone who has a hard time with death (most of us).  She helped me see that Lemmy's physical body was just a shell for his soul.  All the love we gave him during this life helped him move on to the next one.  While it's okay to mourn his death, we should embrace his life and all the joy he brought to everyone and everything thing that ever got to spend time with him.  By remembering him in this light, we actually hep him travel peacefully from this life to the next.  Whatever you believe in, I think that this is a good way of looking as death.

I still struggle with the fact that he died so young and so sudden.  I still sense his presence, the sound of his footsteps running toward me when I grabbed his leash or opened the door.  I miss his smell, his hair everywhere, his sweet eyes staring when he wanted a bone or a rub.  I have to remember Lemmy in all his glory.  We were meant to find him at the shelter that day.  He was meant to spend his last year and eight months with us.  He had a truly charmed life.  While he was with us he went on hikes almost every day, he went to Big Bear, Joshua Tree and Camping in Bishop, Ca.  He had great friends and really great times.  The entire house was his bed, he was family.  

Lemmy will always live with me in my heart.  I will always miss him and always love him.  He was my baby boy who in my eyes, could never do wrong.  He brought nothing but joy to my life.  I'm doing better now than I was a week ago and I will be better next week than I am now.  I took a great yoga class today with another favorite teacher Joan Hyman.  I laughed with my fellow yogi's and didn't rest in Balasana once (although I wanted to).  I guess what I'm trying to say is, losing a loved one is hard, but by living life, loving and being kind to yourself and those around you, you can create a quality of life that is worth dying for.  Death is a shift from one life to the next.  I just hope that in my life on this planet, I can give as much joy and love as Lemmy gave to me.  May you rest in peace Lemmy (and run carefree with your doggie angel brothers and sisters), we miss you and we will always love you!

Trying to stay veggie while camping, finding yoga again and cleanses

I recently went camping for a weekend with my husband and our best friends.  The plan was to go to Kern River.  The Kern is so amazing!  You can basically park off the main road, hike down a bit and camp anywhere you see space, right in front of the river.  It's about two and a half hours from LA which makes it a nice getaway without spending too much time in the car, which is great considering we had three giant dogs with us.  Sadly, our Kern River camping adventure came to an unanticipated end.  The mountain was on fire the week before due to a lightning storm and the road was closed.  Fortunately the amazing Kern County fire department was able to save most of the residences and there were no fatalities.  Mountains burn, that is part of nature.

We drove all that way and bought tons of groceries and supplies, we were not about to give up on our camping weekend.  We drove around Kern county for hours before we decided to stop at a local brewery and ask some of the locals where we could camp.  To make a long story short, thirteen hours of driving later, we ended up in Bishop Ca., half way up the state and almost at the Nevada border.  It was late.  When we got to the first camp site that looked decent, we still had to set up our tents and eat something.  We were very tired and frustrated by that point but we made the best out of it.  My friend and I decided to mix some margaritas to get our minds off of the drive and the ever increasing amount of giant insects that had begun to swarm.

My plan during this trip was to keep alcohol consumption to a minimum and find creative ways to enjoy camp style fare while still remaining vegetarian, however the buzz from the margaritas and the growl in my stomach  overcame my intentions.  The boys bought some carne asada and decided to grill it up.  Trying not to be difficult I  just went ahead and ate it too, just a little.  By the next morning, my head ached from the half bottle of tequila my friend and I consumed.  My body felt sluggish and bloated  and my stomach was not happy.  Perhaps the carne asada was not such a good idea.  Fortunately I was able to maintain a veggie diet for the remainder of our camping adventure, which was amazing by the way.  One of the best things I made was a portobello mushroom burger.  Everyone else had sirloin.  I basically seasoned it with salt, pepper, thyme and rosemary and sprinkled some Gorgonzola cheese on top.  I grilled it and put it on a bun with basil and tomatoes, just like a regular burger.  I still drank a little more than I probably should have, it was my best friends birthday after all.  I'm gonna give myself a break, one step at a time.  

Since I returned home, my plan was to do yoga every day and try a cleanse.  For me, doing yoga every day is easier than cleansing.  Just the thought of cleansing makes me crave french fries and a cold beer.  If you were to google cleanses, you could spend hours browsing all the different types; Master Cleanse, cabbage soup cleanse, colon cleanse, juicing, fruit cleanse, coconut juice cleanse, liver cleanse, etc. etc.  My best friend is great at cleanses.  She explained to me when I was trying a fruit cleanse that when your stomach starts to growl and you feel tired and cranky, that you have to just look deep and be persistent.  She swore that the cleanse would eventually make me feel invigorated and focused.  Sounds great, I believe her too, unfortunately I have never gone beyond day two of any cleanse.  Maybe I haven't tried the right one, maybe I have no willpower, or maybe cleanses just aren't for me.  I definitely agree that certain foods can be toxic for the body, however, unless you have some type of liver failure, the bodies ability to cleanse toxins out on it's own is astounding.  To me, cleanses are just too restrictive.  Your body needs fuel to function, it's that simple.  Food is fuel.  If we deny ourselves that fuel, our bodies will stop functioning the way it should.  I'm not saying go ahead and have a giant porterhouse steak and a bottle of red wine every night.  Here is my opinion on cleanses.  The best cleanse is the cleanse that should last your entire life.  Living clean.  Eat three meals a day. Load your plate with fruits and veggies.  If you eat meat, keep it to three times a week and eat mostly fish and organic free range chicken and keep the portions small.  Drink lots and lots of water.  Drink fresh vegetable juice at least once a day.  Omit alcohol on most days.  Avoid processed foods.  Sweat  every day.  This is the cleanse I plan to do, and maintain for the rest of my life as best I could.

The thing I missed the most while I was traveling was my yoga practice.  When I was in Miami, my intention was to do Ashtanga.  The small amount of space and thick carpeting in my room made it difficult; that and I wanted to spend time with my niece and family.  I was also unable to do much yoga while camping because of all the other activities (and drinking) we were doing.  Lame excuses, I know.  Finding my home practice has always been a struggle for me.  As soon as I got home I went to a yoga class.  I was amazed how strong and flexible I felt after all that time away.  Yoga is always there,  even after being abandoned for a while.  I intend to do yoga every day and begin a home practice, however, if for some reason practicing asanas doesn't work in my day, then I will practice the yoga of just being.

Learning to contol restlessness, meeting my baby niece and cooking healthy in Miami

Hello everyone.  This is officially my first blog post and I must say I'm thrilled to be a part of the world wide blog phenomenon.  I am currently in Miami visiting my brother and sister in law who just had a baby girl....Sara Nicole Coriat, my very first niece!  She is truly a beautiful girl.  I am not accustomed to babies and am slightly nervous about holding her and feeding her, I'm sure it will pass.  My brother Roger and his wife Jessica have been spending their days hanging in the house since Sara Nicole was born (June 18, 2010).  It's a very different lifestyle than I am used to I must say.  My life in Los Angeles is very busy and I've become so accustomed to it that sitting at home all day makes me a bit anxious.  Being an avid yogi, I should feel very comfortable sitting still.  The Yoga Sutras of Patangali state that asana (the physical yoga most of us love to do) is a "steady, comfortable posture".  The sutras also explain that "by lessening the natural tendency of restlessness" the practice of asana can be mastered.  I have been thinking about these sutras (2:46 and 2:47) since I arrived on Saturday. At home in Los Angeles, my days are filled with a multitude of activities, whether it be work, errands, parties, cleaning, walking the dog, exercising, etc.  Very rarely do I sit still, and when I do, I feel I need to do something to occupy my time (like blogging).  I've come to realize in this trip that I am very restless, and although I yearn to relax on my busy days, I am not completely comfortable doing so. 
One thing I did to cure my need for activity was cook for my brother and sister in law.  Jessica mentioned to me several times that my brother is not the healthiest eater in the world and that healthy food is not a big deal here in South Miami.  She did however have a Whole Foods near by.  We decided to go and I made them a delicious healthy dinner that they really enjoyed.  I truly believe that if you get creative, you can eat healthy anywhere, even in Miami, the land of black beans, rice, fried plantains and carne asada.
This is basically what I made: Baked Halibut with a salt, pepper and dill rub in a miso wasabi ginger marinade that is sold at Whole Foods.  I also made red quinoa and sauteed it with zucchini, onions, garlic and mushrooms.  We shared a bottle of wine and it was lovely.
I plan on starting an Ashtanga home practice while I'm here to help my need for yoga.  There aren't any yoga studios near by and I think the Primary Series is a great way to practice at home, it is structured, well balanced and challenging.  I'm also going to practice pranayama and meditation, which I hope will help me become more comfortable being still and just chilling out.  In a week, I'll be back in LA and back to my usual busy life where I'll probably miss spending Sunday's being lazy on the couch, watching TV, hanging out with my brother & sister in law and feeding my baby niece.